Cute, CLever WeEnie DOg May Need NeW HomE

It's not my fault. Lady knows I love meat. She's the one that left the beef jerky treats in her pants pocket. Can I help it if I the only way I could get them out was to chew through her pants? She noticed the holes. If I could have gotten my treat jar open, maybe I wouldn't have chewed her good pants. I knocked the jar off the coffee table, trying to get it open, but it didn't work. I did succeed in spilling a whole bowl full of sunflower seeds onto the floor. The clean one Lady had justed mopped. Lady was NOT happy.
Lady told me that her classes were discussing superstitions. Here are some superstitions her class shared with her:

• When you sleep, don't cross your arms over your chest-you will have a nightmare.
• If your left eyelid twitches, it means good luck, but if your right eyelid twitches, it means bad luck.
• To cure stammering, drink water from rinsed rice.
• If swallows make a nest in your home it will bring bad luck to the family.
• If you rub a child with rice it will grow up quickly and healthy.
• If you walk alone in darkness, you must spit to prevent a ghost from following you.
• If you have a nightmare, you must tell someone at the beginning of the day, or else it will come true.
• During spring festival, if you cook fish, you will have enough crops.
• If you hear an owl hoot, you will have bad fortune.
• After drinking traditional Chinese medicine, you must spill it on the road, and those that pass through it will take on your illness, and it will leave you.
• Lucky numbers:8, 6, 9. Unlucky number:4, because it sounds like the word for death
• At a wedding banquet, you should take two candies from the tray because good things come in twos.
• Each month on the 5th day, you shouldn't wash your hair, or you will have a headache.
• If you sit on written paper when you are young, you will not study well when you are older.
• If a magpie sings by your house, you will have guests.
• Firecrackers will frighten evil spirits away.

Well, I have learned a few superstitions of my own:

• If you drag a human's blanket off the bed, and get it dirty, it will bring you bad luck.
• If you poop on the carpet, you will spend time alone in the bathroom.
• If you teetee on a rice bag, it will bring you much trouble, and you won't get to go to the market.
• If you dance or do tricks for humans, you will get treats.
• If you kiss a human's face or hand, and wag your tail when you're being scolded, it will go better with you.
• If you patiently wait by the table in a restaurant, wag your tail, and look at meat-eating humans with big, brown eyes, you will be rewarded.
• If you stand on your human's chest and lick her face at 3:00 in the morning, you will get kicked off the bed.

Do I really need a new home? Not yet. Lady needs me. She is very forgiving. After all, I am just a little dog.